B is not a good sleeper. She never, ever has been. She is a great eater, a pleasant child (95% of the time), smart, active, agile and charming, but she is not a good sleeper.
B sleeps in our room, in her own bed. This has worked for us, for many reasons. Our room is the quietest. John is not easily awakened, and she can quickly wake him up in the mornings if she is in the same room, rather than wandering around the house alone (see my next paragraph). Also, if I get up and down during the night much, I cannot go back to sleep. Even just walking to the bathroom is enough to keep me awake for an hour. Having her close by helps me get more sleep - most of the time.
B wakes many, many times in the night and if she does not see someone, she will pop up and go looking for you. She can open doors, so that makes this process easy. She's a lot like me, in that once she is up - she is up. Also if she is hindered in finding someone (such as by locking a door) she will quickly escalate into crying to the point where she vomits in less than 3 minutes flat. After vomiting, if she keeps crying, she'll dry heave repeatedly. (Like she did at the last doctor's appointment.)
Recently, B has been waking up ready to party, anywhere from 9:00pm to 2:00am. She'll be awake for an hour or three and will want to play, read, chat...etc before she settles back into sleepy mode. Part of me thinks she has separation anxiety, but some of the time she wakes and does this, I'm there sleeping in the room. Part of me thinks she's checking to see if John is home yet since she misses him. (This second shift thing really sucks - as he often works over until anywhere from 2 - 4am, when he's supposed to get off at 11pm.) Part of me doesn't know what to think.
We do the normal bed time routine and we start anywhere from 7:30 - 8:00 most of the time. She gets a bath. She gets a small snack and a cup of whole milk. We read a book or two and I lay down beside her and nurse her for a few minutes. She goes to sleep. We run a fan in the room for white noise. Often when she wakes up, just seeing us does the trick, but sometimes she needs a reassuring touch, and usually once in the night she nurses for a few minutes before going back to sleep. This was all just fine until the last two weeks, when many nights have been nightmares for me.
Can it be teething pain waking her up and keeping her up? She seems perfectly content, if we just humor her and let her read or play. Can she just be lonely? Then why does this happen even if someone is in the room with her? Can she just miss John and want his attention? That would not explain why some of these extended time wakings are long before he'd ever be home. Can she just think she's missing out on life?
I have no idea. I don't know what to do. Some experts say they grow out of this, others say to "sleep train" them. I just want us all to get a good night's sleep. This time of year is very critical to me at work, and I need to be on top of my game and not miss any working hours. John is working a ton and school is rough this term. Any suggestions that you think might work for a high-maintenance child like ours?
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3 comments:
Hi Krista! Sorry about the sleep issues. I'm sure you've heard this before, but CIO really worked well for us. We started this around 9 months when Claire and Kate started waking up randomly in the middle of the night (they started sleeping through the night at 10 weeks old, so we were lucky there but then they reverted around the 7 month mark). Sooooo, we did a modified CIO - where we would go in every 5 minutes to check on them, then 10 minutes, 15, etc.
I know some people think this is cruel (and really, to each her own here) but it has worked well for us. It teaches them how to fall back to sleep on their own. Every baby/child/person wakes up in the middle of the night. But it's a matter of learning how to fall back to sleep on your own.
Furthermore, we NEED our sleep! And so do they! Toddlers need about 12-14 hours of sleep per day (including naps) for brain development.
A good book on this (aka the bible for me!) is "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". I still read it!
I'm sure you'll hear lots of differing opinions on this which is great. Hope you find a solution that works for all of you!
Hi Annie. I appreciate your thoughts. I have read that book and about 4 others. My problem with CIO is that for B - she rapidly progresses to vomitting. I am not exaggerating when I say 3 minutes flat. She keeps up that pace for a long time. The longest I've ever made it was 45 minutes and she was still going at peak capacity, dry heaving and having hysterics. - That was with me checking in every few minutes, as prescribed. She gets so worked up that she takes hours to settle down. I don't doubt that CIO can work for many children, but I really don't feel it is right for us for that reason.
On top of that, the only way to contain her is to lock her in a room. She can climb like a monkey. She has been able to escape a crib since around 13 months old, and I'm positive she can climb a baby gate too, because I've seen her come quite close.
She does go back to sleep without nursing after most night wakings - just seeing us is often enough to put her at ease and she goes right back to sleep. It's just two nights this week and two nights last week that she awoke and was up for hours on end. It has happened a few other times, but in isolated cases, and usually with teething. I just wish I knew why?
I also think she wakes up more than most children, and I wish she was more relaxed when sleeping.
Ugh - so sorry, Krista. I feel dumb now because I re-read your post about Brooklynn's vomiting after crying for too long so obviously CIO won't work for you. I would think that you being in the room with her would help her since she can see you and John.
Did you have to move her to a bed since she's a climber?
I hope things improve for you soon!
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