A Year Ago

A year ago today was special. A year ago today, I nursed my Busy B for the last time. It was so very bittersweet. It was time for us to move on to different things, but it meant closing a chapter on something that was almost magical.

I loved nursing. The first weeks of nursing were wonderful for me. The hardest part was her nursing so frequently around the clock. We didn't have trouble with latching, and very little issues with nipple pain. In the beginning, I did have trouble nursing in positions other than the football hold. I was just clumsy trying to maneuver my huge breasts and my tiny infant. Over time, I got better at it. Nursing itself came pretty easily for us. Pumping, well that was a whole 'nother ball game.

I went back to work full time when B wasn't even 7 weeks old. If I wanted to continue to breastfeed, I had to pump milk. There was no other option. If I had tried to go without pumping that early in our nursing relationship, I would have dried up. Pumping was very, very hard for me. Pump shields are made for average sized breasts. Sure you can get ones that say they are sized larger, but that is the nipple opening, not so much the flange itself. It is hard to get those tiny flanges securely positioned on ginormous breasts. It is even harder to get them to stay that way for 15 minutes of pumping. On top of that, I'm short-waisted, and so there was not as much room between nipple level and my thighs in a seated position to accomodate the whole apparatus. I had a very difficult time getting comfortable is what I'm trying to say.

Pumped output was depressing for me. I tried everything, but got out very little. Thus, if I wanted to make it work, I had to pump more frequently and ended up pumping 4 times in our 9 hours of separation. Even still, I didn't even come close to getting the yields friends of mine got in just two sessions a day. I broke up my lunch break into pump sessions. I shut my office door and milked myself each workday. It is a good thing I'm stubborn, because that was pretty much the only thing that kept me going in the early months. Later, the motivation of continuing this wonderful connection with my daughter played a more central role.

When I stepped down my pumping schedule, very gradually over 4 months time, each pump session I dropped was stressful. I worried that I would dry up, but I never did. I was so sure that after a month or two of not pumping, and only nursing my toddler when I was home that the milk would be gone. Weeks and the months went by, and much to my surprise, the milk was still there. It lasted to the end of cold and flu season. It lasted into the summer and then into fall, even with the natural progression of nursing less as she ate more regular food and slept longer at night.

I set out to nurse at least a year. That was my original hope. I never dreamed we'd make it to close to 2 years. I never thought that far ahead. I'm glad we did. It was right for us. All that time and effort was time well-spent for us. It was such a short part of our life, but it was so fulfilling, that I'm glad it lasted that long. I know it isn't right for everyone - for so many reasons - and I know some women don't get that option, but I'm glad that we did. I feel very, very blessed when I think about it. I like something I heard Dr. Ari Brown say on a TLC show. It was something like "Nursing is a team effort. When one or both members of that team are ready to stop, then it is time."

A year ago, it was time.