The Plan

Alright. I took the other FR "fertility test" this morning. Another favorable result. It really doesn't mean anything though, but a POASaholic will POAS when given the chance. I won't say I'm not bummed, but I'm dealing with it okay. Now that my local friends are pretty much done having kids, or considering whether they are done or not, and none of them had much trouble getting pregnant I don't really feel like they want to hear me complain. If I'm being honest, who really does want to hear me complain (friend or not)?

While I had thought it would be nice to take this journey by myself, it's not turning out to be that way. I feel rather lonely. It surprised me actually. I'm moodier during my PMS/2WW because I'm not venting those feelings and anticipation to anyone. This "independent" woman, might not be so autonomous after all. Have I always been this way, or did this rollercoaster ride change me? I don't know.

I'm giving it until January for me to get my act together. If I'm not pregnant by then, and John agrees, I will seek medical help. My full-force efforts to conceive "on our own" the first time were slow, and my laid-back not-preventing-not-trying method has been even slower. (So put that in your pipe and smoke it - all those people saying to relax and it will happen last time around.)

Now just to come clean, so we are all on the same page. I might have been vague before, but this will be quite clear. Warning - TMI, and if you don't want to read that kind of thing, stop now. Since my cycles returned in February 2008 this is how things went. We used the withdrawal method consistenly for several months. Since July 2008 we have not prevented pregnancy at all. I didn't try to sway the timing towards O time either though. Probably around January 2009 I began paying a bit more attention to timing during what appered to be my more fertile time. I haven't pushed the issue though. If things did not happen that night due to our crazy-different-shift-schedules I just tried again the next day. Sometimes that attempt wouldn't pan out either. Crap happens.

So now you know what I know. I don't know how much I'll share each cycle going forward. I don't know if that is anything anyone really wants to read. I just needed to get this off my chest and make a record of my plan going forward.