Hey Jealousy

Most of the time, being an employed mom doesn't bother me much. It was quite emotional and uncertain in the very beginning, but after that it got easier. Now, it is really only hard logistically. Its just a matter of how to accomplish all I need to get done in a given week. Actually, the money right now is a blessing because of the situation our family members are in. We could not help at all if I had not been working. (This is particulary true for us because for much of my working career thus far, I've pulled in more than 50% of our income.)

One thing I didn't expect from being an employed mom is jealousy. I find myself jealous of my friends who are SAHM's. The sad truth is that I'm not envious for the reasons that most would think. I don't so much covet their time with their kids, as I do their time to spend with their other SAHM friends. I know. It sounds terrible. It probably is terrible.

You see when I finally do catch some time with my friends, or read their blogs and hear all about the other friends they have fun playdates with, go shopping with, have parties with, or just spend a lot of time with I'm jealous. I miss those relationships I used to have more time to cultivate. I feel badly that I can't be involved more. I realize that they don't have time on the weekends because they are spending time with their husbands and family who are home.

At times I feel because I'm not one of the friends they do things with during the week, that I've slipped off of their radar. Not that they never think of me and wish me well, but that I'm just not on their list of friends to invite to things anymore. If I'm having a bad day and these feelings creep up on me, I can even begin to wonder if I've done something else to push these friends away. If I've offended them or been insensitive or something. (As I've already said several times, I know my mouth gets me in trouble sometimes.)

I need to do more to keep my friends close and involved in my life. I love them. I need them. I miss them.