6 weeks and several Firsts

Well Brooklynn turned 6 weeks old yesterday. I still can't find the dang cord for the camera, or I'd post new pictures. I'm going to have to buy a new one I guess. I will post new pics as soon as I can, I promise! She is growing and becoming more alert and expressive. It is so amazing. Yesterday she reached for me and grabbed my hand that was extended towards her. My heart just melts with each new expression she gains.

On the sleep front. Brooklynn slept 5.75 straight hours last night from midnight until 5:45am when my alarm went off (in preparation for next week). She then slept from 7:15 until about 9:30am this morning too. She also stayed awake and content in her bouncy seat for an entire 30 minutes this morning while I pumped (4.5 ounces total) and ate an early lunch. This afternoon brought another surprise. I put her in her swing after she went to sleep and she has actually stayed that way for 30 minutes now (before she'd wake within 10 minutes). I swaddled her, breast fed her a bit, rocked her to sleep and then put her down. I have taken a quick shower, got dressed and and now I'm typing this and she's still sleeping. I'm so glad to see she is becoming more happy and secure in her environment, or so it seems.

I have had some first for myself too. I left Brooklynn for the first time on Monday night. I took her to my parent's house and left her with my mom while I went to the grocery with John. Then I dropped John back at home, put away the groceries, washed my pump parts and fed the dogs before going back to get her. Tuesday I had my 6 week post-partum check up. Let me just say that the speculum is NOT my friend. It's not like a speculum has been a comfortable tool in the past, but it was never what I would call truly painful before having a baby. Yesterday it hurt like the devil. The pap smear also made me bleed, which has never happened before. My OB said my episiotomy has healed tightly and it will take some time to relax and stretch out a bit. Great, so sex is going to hurt too....lovely. Emotionally, I'm ready to have sex, but I'm scared of the physical pain it might bring. I'm also not sure when we'll find the time. I think if Brooklynn cries, I'll totally lose my interest even in the middle of the act.

I did my tax return last night and we are getting a nice refund thanks to Ms. Brooklynn. I'm so glad since we had to buy the new car and pay more hospital bills than we had planned when we became pregnant. I'm also glad to have it done and out of the way before going back to work next week. My dad came over and cuddled with Brooklynn while I did the return and some household chores. He had to work late on Monday and missed seeing her while mom was watching her. Speaking of work, of course I'm dreading Monday. I know I'll be okay and Brooklynn will be well cared for, but I just wonder how I'll juggle it all. Will I be able to be a good mom, a good wife and also do my job well? Many women have succeeded in these goals, but many have failed as well. I hope I can rise to the challenge.