Too Broken

I thought it should be written here. I'm just too broken to blog these days. I go to post and I just feel too dark and empty to pull it together.

I also have really scaled back my reading of the blogs I've enjoyed for years because it hurts too much to read about the little things taken for granted in a household with multiple kids. I am not so blinded that I cannot admit that there are things that I too take for granted in my single kid home. I know that there are, but right now I need the break for self-preservation.

With each passing period and each new pregnancy news around me, I find my emotions running higher than I ever thought they could. I feel grieved and I feel broken and I feel lost.

Now we are facing a large tax bill - and that hurdle has to be crossed. I should have looked at this earlier. I should have thought to evaluate and had John increase his withholdings with the raise last year. I focused too much on the increased household costs and saving for medical costs that I didn't see what I should have.

My body is broken. My heart is broken. Now my brain is broken too.